Why do men have affairs?

I have yet to meet a person who got married to be miserable.For many of us, we get married believing in the perfect picket fence relationship - that we will get married, have two or three children and grow old together.

So where does it all go wrong? And how and why do affairs happen in westernised relationships? Can we really put all the blame on those wandering six inches or are affairs more like polyfilla that fills the cracks in relationships? Read on to find out more …

Why do men have affairs:

In essence because they can. It is not a criminal offence in SA to have an affair – unlike in many eastern countries.
Because they have become lonely within their relationship - they are not connecting with their partners on an emotional and physical level.
Because they are desperate for sex and are tired of their wives using sex as a weapon/tool to get them to do things for them.
Because they are bored and enjoy the challenge and risk involved in having an affair.
Because they feel that their wives do not respect them anymore and they feel their only function is to provide financially.

Two types of affairs:

Men who love their wives and children:
These men genuinely love their wives as the mother to their children, but have come to accept over the years (sometimes several) that the only role that their wife is willing to play is: mother to their children – and these men seek a lover and intellectual companion elsewhere. They have no intention of leaving their wives who are good women and have no intention of losing access to their children on a daily basis, as they know full well that in the event of a divorce, they would be assigned to only seeing their kids on the weekend/ weekday visits.

Financially: They are not willing to let go of the assets they have worked to acquire over the years. In the event that their wives did find out about the affair/s and chose to end the marriage, they would continue to provide for her and the children financially.

Contrary to what many men think: There are many women out there that are fully aware that they husbands are having affairs but they are not willing to lose their lifestyle, homes, social groups and SLKs and credit cards and therefore choose to grin and bear it and keep quiet about their husband’s indiscretions.

Contrary to what most women think:

Many men who find themselves in this position are wracked with guilt for what they are doing and wish most sincerely that they could sort out the physical relationship with their wives. Instead they find after years of asking, begging and pleading with their wives for sex that it is easier and less hurtful to take the line of least resistance and find themselves a sweetheart on the side. In fact, the first time men commit adultery, they struggle to have good sex.
Their biggest “punishment” for having the affair is being afraid that their wives will find out about it.
We make the assumption that our men would have affairs with drop dead gorgeous women – and yet often the women are frumpy and dowdy .They however are prepared to let your man have their cake and slice it!

Pros:
Often when a man’s physical needs are being met and he is less sexually frustrated, he is a much nicer person to be around. He may also experience a twinge of conscience for having an affair and will go home and be extra nice to his wife and children. Sometimes this sort of affair acts like a polyfilla for the relationship – it literally fills the cracks as the man’s needs are now met and he goes home to relax and enjoy his life of domesticity with his wife and children. This type of affair sometimes leads to an improved relationship with his wife and the family experiences a better sense of wellbeing.

Type of woman to have an affair with:
Single ladies/ wives - if you are just looking for a steady 2 – 3 times a week physical release with absolutely no additional strings attached, no added valued services i.e. home, marriage, children, promise of a relationship, then this is the man for you . However it will become lonely if you go long term as a single lady because you will not get to spend holidays, weekends or easter with your MM. (married man)

HIV Risk:
The most rapidly increasing HIV infection rate in the Northern Suburbs of Johannesburg is in people ranging between the ages of 35 – 55 !

Do not think that because your partner looks like a decent girl or boy that they may not be HIV positive.

Take it as a given if you are having an affair that you are probably sleeping with at least 4 people – as the mistress of your manopausal madness may not be the village maiden but virile vixen!

The best HIV test to have is called the HIV Elisa, all you need to do is to go into one of the Lancet laboratories and request an HIV Elisa test - it takes about 24 hours to get your results back. If you are in a serious rush to get your hands on your latest squeeze then you can request the Rapid HIV test, which provides results within a few minutes, but be warned this result is not always accurate.

Men who are looking for a way out:
These men are desperately unhappy in their marriages and are looking for a way out. They frequently do not believe that they will be able to survive on their own and therefore start searching for their backup plan – another woman.

Mistresses Beware:
This is a high risk affair that can become volatile. These men tend to subconsciously bait their wives and their mistress into finding out about the affair. Why? Because he is desperately unhappy and he either wants to shock his wife into sorting the problem out or shock her into moving out!

In the event that you as the mistress do get involved with your Master of Mischief – you will discover that after about year 3 when he has realised that actually being single is not nearly as scary as he originally thought, he may up and leave you for a younger/ older model.

Most people believe that around 20% of couples in marriages are having affairs. However studies have shown that the percentage is closer to 80% of people in marriages are having affairs.